I slept with my sperm donor

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve wanted a big family. I’m from the UK and my parents split up when I was three and I was an only child until I was 11, when my first half-brother was born. I’d always had this fantasy that having lots of children would be wonderful.

I married when I was 24 but as time went on, our relationship deterioriated and I left when I was 30.

Unfortunately my second marriage also broke up within a few years, before we had a chance to have chilren.

I hoped that I would meet someone else but, with time ticking by, I started to panic that I was heading towards the end of my fertility, so I began looking into various options.

Egg freezing was too expensive and had limited success, andIVF seemed too dramatic, with all the drugs involved. Then in 2006 I got into another serious relationship and assumed this to be the man I would have children with. When it suddenly ended, I felt as though the ground had been ripped from beneath me.

Eventually I found a fertility clinic willing to treat single women. In 2008 I had my first attempt at IUI (intrauterine insemination) using donor sperm, and was thrilled to become pregnant. I never expected it to go wrong, but soon after I had a miscarriage.

I was devastated, but my way of coping was immediately to try again. I had three more unsuccessful sessions of IUI at the clinic, but I was so uncomfortable with how little information they could give me about the donors that I started to wonder if subconsciously this was stopping me getting pregnant.

By this point I had spent more than €12,000 on treatment. Despite being 45 at the time, the specialist said that my eggs were better than many a 35-year-old.

At first I had no idea that there was an alternative to the clinic, but then in September last year I came across a website that offered to match women with potential sperm donors.

I have done a lot of internet dating over the years so, although this had an entirely different purpose, I put up my profile and photo. I discovered that some donors offered artificial insemination (AI) — the syringe method — and others “natural insemination” (NI); in other words, sex.

My immediate preference was AI: it seemed neat, clean and clinical, but as time went on I became more open to the idea of NI. From researching the subject, and from the donors’ stories on the site, I believe that you are far more likely to conceive that way. But I knew I’d have to meet the donor first to decide. All of them claimed to be doing it for altruistic reasons, but I’m cynical enough to realise that many simply wanted free sex.

One guy I met, Seamus*, wanted to be a full co-parent. He was fairly attractive in his photo and seemed intelligent, so I agreed to meet him. I met him three times before we did the AI. He came to my flat six times over the five days I was ovulating.

I found the whole experience traumatic. It was weird having this guy masturbating in my bathroom. He didn’t feel comfortable doing it with me in the flat, so I’d have to walk my dog around the block about 300 times until he texted me to say that he’d finished. Being handed this specimen pot was disgusting. I did conceive, but immediately miscarried. In a way it was a relief, because I never wanted to see him again.

After that I was reluctant to do AI again and started to move towards natural insemination. I reasoned that sex is the natural way and for animals the purpose of having sex is procreation rather than pleasure.

Then in October last year I found the website co-parentmatch.com, which is for women looking for sperm donors or co-parents.

I received 50-100 messages from potential donors, but I replied only to seven. Some sites ban all mentions of NI, but with this one you are allowed to tick it as a preference, although it recommends taking your donor to a licensed fertility clinic.

One donor who stood out was Paul*. He was 33, single and had joint residence of his two children by a past girlfriend.

I liked that he was an involved parent and he said that he wanted to help others who couldn’t have children. Over several emails I made it clear that I couldn’t decide about NI until we met. I bought an AI kit just in case. Paul met me in a pub. We spent three hours talking about ourselves.

It felt partly like a date, partly like a business meeting. Eventually he said: “OK, I do have to go back to work soon, so what’s the verdict?”

I told him that I still didn’t know if I could go through with it, but that we’d go back to my flat. I’m not sexually promiscuous and even on a first date with someone fantastic, it’s unlikely I’d sleep with him straight away, so this was a big deal. But once we got to the flat I thought: “I’ve come this far, NI is so much simpler and more likely to work than AI.”

Of course, it still felt odd to have sex for the purpose of getting pregnant with someone I had just met. Until the last second I wasn’t sure if I could go through with it. I was battling my own desire to say no with my goal to become pregnant.

Sensing that I was still unsure, he said, “Let’s make it like a normal date”, and then I kind of relaxed into it. I was on autopilot at first but, surprisingly, the sex turned out to be quite good. It was a bit like having sex with a friend.

Afterwards, he quickly showered and put on his suit and we thanked each other profusely, which I found funny. After he left, I felt euphoric, thinking: “That was so easy.” I invited him back the following night, just to make sure that it worked. It was still pretty awkward the second time.

When I found out a few days later that I was pregnant, I was thrilled. To my amazement, an early scan showed that I was expecting twins. Then at eight weeks I had a miscarriage.

I focused on this being the farthest I’d managed to get in a pregnancy. To make it to eight weeks felt like a big step forward. When I emailed Paul to say that I’d miscarried, he replied saying: “Sorry to hear that, good luck.”

I’ve had a few months off, and now I’m emailing two other donors. Once I’ve met them, I might consider NI with them. One is a blond, blue-eyed man who lives in Montreal.

The other is a Danish guy in his twenties, 6ft 4in, and seems articulate and intelligent. I’m prepared to travel to meet them.

I still hope to meet Mr Right and have children with him. I’ll be honest about my experiences and if he’s the right man he’ll understand. I’d be honest with my child, too — children appreciate love and honesty.

I know that some people might find it hard to understand what I do. My mother was shocked when I first told her. My father doesn’t know. I do care what others think, but I won’t let that govern my decisions.

Not having a child, when all your friends are married with children, can be socially isolating. I just hope one day I can become a mother too.

* Some names have been changed

Source: Emma Elms The Independent http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/single-and-desperate-to-have-a-baby-i-slept-with-a-sperm-donor-2635300.html

36 Replies to “I slept with my sperm donor”

  1. Miscarriage during the first 5-8 weeks is caused by lack of progesterone. This can be easily fixed using topical progesterone 60 mg/day topically. Anything taken orally, vaginally, or rectally is ten times less. Or you may be putting something on the skin that is blocking progesterone. For instance, aloe is used in some cultures to create a miscarriage. If aloe is on your skin for your shampoo or lotion, this is disingenuous. Aloe may block progesterone like the “morning after” pill.

  2. i will give you solution it happened many times , you need cupping on you back from up to down with back massage specially end of your back , after that you can body contact and receive the sperm fresh in real and stay lay on your back for one hour.

    i said its happened many time not mean 100% get pregnant , but you should keep try and i feel you are going to do it.
    if you are here in australia / gold coast i would make it for you .
    in case you plan to come to australia just buy and pring cupping set.

  3. this is “old school” holistic remedy, that might help keeping pregnancy – make a tea with raspberry leaves, and drink it regularly. It makes uterus more elastic, increses progesterone some… its a herbal, and safe. Hope that will help you 🙂

  4. Greetings love, my name is Akasha. I’m a healer type incubus. It’s very rare. It’s not a joke. I’ve just seen your ad. I have the ability to grant your wish for it is apart of my karmic job. I’ve successfully help others in similarity. Now are all long term friends. Don’t waist time with your eggs. I’m not online too often so if your interested to find out more & or arrange to have a STD checkup appointment right away, you should email me; Or you can call after 5;pm BC time. Don’t loose hope or faith. Know what you want, know what you need & use prayer with no need for religion. Know that what you feel in your hart is there for a reason. There is a reason for everything. One thing I really stand for is keeping your dreams. Other than feminine empowerment. Lol. Thanks to my good mother.

    egg beat.

    egg beat.

  5. Hello, My self Sandeep ………., I want to help someone who need sperm donor to get pregnant and want to experience worlds beutiful feelings………………………………….
    If any one need me then contact me at ———————— feel free to contact me.

  6. Hello, My self benedict ………., I want to help someone who need sperm donor to get pregnant and want to experience worlds beutiful feelings………………………………….
    If any one need me then contact me at ———————–or call me ——————— feel free to contact me.

  7. Hello there. My name’s Anthony. I love helping people but have never gotten the chance to help with something like this. I would be honored to help both of you out. It would probably take a couple weeks of trying. If that is okay, I am more than willing to give you guys what you want. I’ve never had an STD and I have never done drugs so you would have a nice, healthy baby. Let me know if you’re interested. You can reach me by email at ——————————

  8. Hello, My self Nikhil, I want to help someone who need sperm donor to get pregnant and want to experience worlds beutiful feelings of life.
    If any one need me then contact me at ———————— feel free to contact me.

    1. Hi I’m Lizzie, live in Sydney. 33 single woman. I’m looking for donor sperm, someone who interested with the idea being sperm donor i’m really appreciate. Please be serious. I choose to find a donor sperm cause I’m not interested in relationship anymore and wait a right partner. Totally for you have free choice to involve or not for the baby. I’m only interested being single mom to raise the baby without obligation from the man .thank u email me

      1. Hi. I may be of help If god is willing you to get your wish. I’m already father n just searching on the web just out of curiosity.
        Interested then u can reply. All the best lizzie.

      2. hi i m married man aged 34yrs, i have two children( boys). my wife first pregnancy was twins . now we dont want children , so i want to help people who sufer from infertility i m healthy man of 74 kg, 5.8 ft hight . if any body want please email me

      3. hi i m married man aged 34yrs, i have two children( boys). my wife first pregnancy was twins . now we dont want children , so i want to help people who sufer from infertility i m healthy man of 74 kg, 5.8 ft hight . if any body want please email me on ——————–

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  10. Hi Im Marcus. Im in the US and just had a beautiful baby. I dont want anymore. I waited my whole life seemingly for this one and am happy but Im willing to let someone else for the joy that I did

  11. I am 39 years old. But healthy body, no smoking and drinking. I have one son. I am from a traditional family.I can donate sperm.First preference to Indians.Any body can contact me mobile ————–.

  12. Hi I’m from Bali Indonesia and have 3 children. I can be a sperm donor for every woman who need me. If you interested and need me please feel free to text or call me to ————– or send your message to ————–m and I will happy and pleasure to help you.

    1. Hello I am Dr smith
      Do wish to donate your sperm or eggs and help single, lesbian and infertile couples achieve their dream of becoming parents. Gay, lesbian, single looking to co-parent? We are dedicated to connecting sperm donors, egg donors and co-parents worldwide. Find your parenting match with pride! Contact us today on our email for more info or contact us on our whatsapp mobile numberthanks……..

  13. Dear Ladies/Couples,

    May Shiva bless you all.

    Just write back for getting a successful pregnancy and a beautiful healthy a loving and intelligent child.
    Write the details of preference, your age, period you have been trying to conceive, any specific medical problem and a bit of background. We are a dedicated Shiva community of highly educated and successful people genuinely trying to help bring the element of shiva (life) to earth. Our methods are blessed and more than often miracles happen.

    God Bless

  14. My name is Charles Carson Am Ai sperm donor living in The States, Mississippi … l am a successful experience sperm donor well know in Mississippi i have helped many couples to have a happy family.. i produced beautiful babies that has made me a successful donor, i will love to help you so you can have your own babies. Please where do you reside in the States, i will love to ship my donor to you.. kindly mail me so i can attached my success pix donor to you… Am free from Drugs And disease i have my medical update…………

  15. Hi Dr Smith,

    I am a 34yo male of Indo-European descent, I’m a highly intelligent, highly productive and efficient individual. I’m educated and well-read etc. I’m interested in helping couples have the joy of parenthood and would like to help in donating my sperm


  16. I’m Michael, I’m 6’0″ 217lbs, short hair, don’t smoke and drink maybe a 6 pack a year. I have two beautiful girls, 5’6″ and 5’7″ 105/102 lbs respectively. Light color hair beautiful full lips with gorgeous complexion.
    I’ve helped two women have good looking kids and could do the same for you.
    Have a great time finding the best person for your family.
    Michael D.

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